Run, Ralph, Run!

Take a look at this cap, Ralph, a fine custom job:

It says, “Nader 2000.” I wore that cap proudly then and was happy to vote for you. But, honestly, Ralph, here’s the ship of state:

I mean, that’s not what it looks like, physically. But that’s its soul. Would you have been proud to walk the decks of that ship? I think not. If you’d have made it to the ship the Wall Street Gang would have tied you up with threads of gold. Pretty, lots of glitter, but those threads are so tight around the wrists that you’ll bleed to death if you move even one tiny iota in the wrong direction.

Just one iota, Ralph, and you’re drained. Blood on the floor.

No, Ralph, as Charlie says, we need you to play a more modest role, that of a mere Congressman. That’ll give you more scope to speak your mind, to make the case for traditions that will lead us to a sustainable future.

Now, look at that cap again. There’s a smiling green frog. See those big eyes? He’s lookin’ for you, Ralph. He’s saying, “my people are dying, Ralph. The planet’s in trouble. The ponds aren’t tadpole-friendly anymore. Save us.”

See that barrel, Ralph? That’s where the frog used to live. It’s the Morris Canal at the point where it feeds into New York harbor. But froggie can’t live there anymore because its polluted.

You got to run, Ralph. You have to raise the flag for all things living, for truth and tradition. For the frogs.